Today is Father’s Day and many of you will celebrate your Father’s on social media. You have perhaps created a post with recent / current photos, you may have prepped for a dinner / lunch / breakfast at home, you may have made a video montages, or found a great throwback photo of with your father from childhood. But some of us approach this holiday with certain amount of dread.
A father’s day without a Father is no holiday at all.
Father’s day without a Father is difficult, and it doesn’t matter how long it has been that your father has been missing from your life.
It is going to be 8 years this year without my father. He passed away in 2012. I have come to a few realisations over the years and thought will share it today on Father’s Day.
One of the many lessons I have learnt over the year is the acceptance that I cannot go back and change the past and bring him back nor take away the suffering my dad went through while he was ill. It’s an unfixable point of my life. I cannot with even the helpf of Bruce Banner, Tiny Stark, go back and change this part of my life. Even the The Avengers know you cannot change the past.
Since the death of my dad the second thing that I have focussed on is enjoying the few things we shared. Like the music he liked or the action movies he introduced me to or the love for reading I learnt, or the most important life lesson ( a truthful burden) that all he could give me was education and I had to earn my own financial independence.
At this time when I can look beyond myself I started to think of many like me for whom this can be triggering time. Although it is a time of covid 19 here are something’s we could do for making this day memorable.
- Do something in his memory, I wanted to plant a shrub this year. I have postponed it to when I can go to a nursery. You can do this.
- You can write a journal , a card , a blog post thinking of him , talking about him. I did this for him too.
- Prepare a family meal.and share with your family. His favourite dishes could be part of the menu.
- Do something which you enjoyed doing with him. I enjoyed watching Hollywood action flicks with Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tom Cruise , Stallone, Bruce Lee. I plan to do this tomorrow.
Any holiday is difficult with a loss of loved one, especially when we are bombarded with the happy, preety photos on social media. All I can say is if you are struggling this holiday , please reach out to someone you trust. Most importantly be kind to yourself. No matter how long it has been that you have lost your father, your grief can be overpowering, it is real for you. You do not need to explain your grief but you must accept it. Sometimes this grief can be as cruel and deep as the day he died. That’s okay, you are allowed to feel it. There is no rule book for grief. Remember, the gief that you feel reflects the love you felt for your father and that love can never be taken away.
I hope this post is of some assistance.
My Father (Photo from 2009)