How to get through Father’s Day when Your Dad’s no longer here?

Today is Father’s Day and many of you will celebrate your Father’s on social media. You have perhaps created a post with recent / current photos, you may have prepped for a dinner / lunch / breakfast at home, you may have made a video montages, or found a great throwback photo of with your father from childhood. But some of us approach this holiday with certain amount of dread.

A father’s day without a Father is no holiday at all.

Father’s day without a Father is difficult, and it doesn’t matter how long it has been that your father has been missing from your life.

It is going to be 8 years this year without my father. He passed away in 2012. I have come to a few realisations over the years and thought will share it today on Father’s Day.

One of the many lessons I have learnt over the year is the acceptance that I cannot go back and change the past and bring him back nor take away the suffering my dad went through while he was ill. It’s an unfixable point of my life. I cannot with even the helpf of Bruce Banner, Tiny Stark, go back and change this part of my life. Even the The Avengers know you cannot change the past.

Since the death of my dad the second thing that I have focussed on is enjoying the few things we shared. Like the music he liked or the action movies he introduced me to or the love for reading I learnt, or the most important life lesson ( a truthful burden) that all he could give me was education and I had to earn my own financial independence.

At this time when I can look beyond myself I started to think of many like me for whom this can be triggering time. Although it is a time of covid 19 here are something’s we could do for making this day memorable.

1. Do something in his memory, I wanted to plant a shrub this year. I have postponed it to when I can go to a nursery. You can do this.
2. You can write a journal , a card , a blog post thinking of him , talking about him. I did this for him too.
3. Prepare a family meal.and share with your family. His favourite dishes could be part of the menu.
4. Do something which you enjoyed doing with him. I enjoyed watching Hollywood action flicks with Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tom Cruise , Stallone, Bruce Lee. I plan to do this tomorrow.

Any holiday is difficult with a loss of loved one, especially when we are bombarded with the happy, preety photos on social media. All I can say is if you are struggling this holiday , please reach out to someone you trust. Most importantly be kind to yourself. No matter how long it has been that you have lost your father, your grief can be overpowering, it is real for you. You do not need to explain your grief but you must accept it. Sometimes this grief can be as cruel and deep as the day he died. That’s okay, you are allowed to feel it. There is no rule book for grief. Remember, the gief that you feel reflects the love you felt for your father and that love can never be taken away.

I hope this post is of some assistance.

My Father (Photo from 2009)

Reading List June 2019

Summers always remind me of Vacations at Granny’s house and reading all the Agatha Christie mysteries, books pre-owned by Granny’s Father, my great grand-father. It brings a on a state of languid nostalgia, just like when one walks into an old bookstore and inhales the musty smell of decaying pages, dust, mothballs and memories.

This month should be exciting because I have landed myself some great story books ready to be devoured between commutes to work, before dozing off at night or while siting idly waiting for the pot to boil over on the gas stove.

1.  A cozy mystery set in a picturesque small erstwhile mining town. The mystery murderer holds well till the final unveiling. The red herrings are used throughout the book, but they do not fail to disappoint. The build up to the ending has a sense of foreboding, and when the final action happens and curtain falls, there is a gasp of wonder. Its a well written book. It happens to be Book 2 of a serial involving the protagonist Stormy Day. So, be prepared for a lot of reference harking back to the fist mystery in the series. The last page brilliantly sets up the book 3 of the series. Overall Rating 4.5/5
2.  Yet another series starter from Blake Pierce, this time about a small town cop who through turn on events in the book moves to FBI. The Mackenzie White Book 1 is a gripping tale. Its well written, pacy and doesn’t have obvious plot holes. Crisply written makes it a breeze to read. Overall Rating 4/5.
3.  This is a story of a retired FBI Agent Wise, who at the ripe age of 55 years, decided she cannot deal with retirement and goes back to find a serial murderer. The procedural parts are somewhat poorly written, the personal drama aside, the mystery is a bit sluggish to read.  The big reveal of the perpetrator more to do with shock and awe. Overall Rating 3/5.
4.   This is a gripping tale of 2 sisters living down a tragedy in their childhood, but they don’t get to move past it as it follows them. This is by far one of the best Blake Pierce pieces I have read. The revelation comes as a surprise, doesn’t stretch one’s mind to make that leap to how the culprit had reached a point of desperate yet calculated attempt to hide a crime. The closing of the book feels realistic. One can ignore one or two obvious plot holes. But it is a good mystery to read. Overall Rating 4.5/5.

Reading List May 2019

Okay, so may be this is the month I shall finally do more than 3 books. Fingers crossed. So, as it turns out before the end of the month I have reached a new personal best of 4 books.

But as you can see from the trend my focus is usually with crime and detective fiction. I am trying really hard to move away from only crime, thrillers and the similar genres but it is a tough addiction to quit.

1. A good murder mystery with a little bit of red herring thrown in. Good writing but procedural details of police not so in depth. Not much focus on character development, perhaps because it is a series. Unnecessary hark back to past incidents of main characters, that may alienate new readers but might also connect well with the old readers of the series. Overall Rating 3 /5.

2.

A surprisingly well written thriller, found it engrossing, couple of red herrings, but closer to about 3/4 th of the way the ending became obvious. But very enjoyable nonetheless. Overall Rating 4/5.

3.  This is a surprisingly well written cozy mystery, which is apparently a new genre, in the lines of Agatha Christie’s Mrs. Marple series. The protagonist Aunt Bessie is the 90’s Mrs. Marple and does a fairly good job of solving murders. But the writer tries too hard to bring too many happy endings for the reader and ends up forcing the climax and the epilogue with revelations after revelations. The end result is the last 20 odd pages are a drag. Overall rating 3.5/5

4.  This is a prequel to the Blake Pierce series with Riley Paige as protagonist. It traces Railey’s discovery of her special abilities as an Empath which brings her to BAU. The character development for Riley’s friends, Father , even love interest is left off half-heartedly. There is the flash and bang ending. A red herring or two. The final unveiling comes a surprise but the explanation falls flat. Overall Rating 3.5/5.

 

Reading List April 2019

I keep my tradition of 2 books each month. I have been very lazy at finishing books. These books are usually 250-300 pages only so, I think I can push up my reading a bit more.

1. A good thriller, based in the Gambling heaven of America, with enough details of the professional Gamblers life including the shady underbelly of crime associated with it. But the unraveling of mystery felt slightly forced, the explanation for the deed and the final unveiling of the killer felt all too melodramatic. Overall rating 3/5
2.  Enjoyed this thriller linking World War 2 incidents with present day scenes, but characters are not very clearly defined, a lot of action that happens seems to be going on in the background. The final unveiling of the murderer is a long stretch of imagination, where logic takes a backseat. Overall rating 3/5.

Reading List March 2019

Third month turned out to be better, my reading list has now gone upto two books. I think I can keep this pace up. I find myself gravitating towards crime thrillers and crime fiction. May be next month will try to read up something else.

 

1.  A cute murder mystery , at least that’s what this pretends to be. Again the attempted red herrings and pushing the reader’s mind towards possible killers, never really bothering to solidify the suspicion, and a surprise ending, where the murder turns out to be the least expected and least seen character. Felt a bit contrived. The language is difficult to comprehend, as there is some form of local dialect in it, or perhaps an attempt to give the first person narrative an eccentricity in syntax. Overall Rating 3 /5
2.  An attempted mystery in a historical set up. Too many details which do not really make any visible impact to the story. The ending unnaturally melodramatic. Perhaps to set up the series. Decent one time read. Overall Rating 3/5.